031

The flight home everyone was fast asleep except for Troy and I, for some reason we were wide awake. He took the seat across from me and we engaged in a very friendly conversation. "So what ever came of the robbery? Anything go missing?" he asked after some small talk. "You know if anything was taken it wasn't significant to me because I didn't notice anything missing, and they still don't know who did it. It was kind of pushed aside, which is unfortunate. It makes me think it never was a robbery, and that maybe someone was after Sidney or even me, but I don't know, we don't talk about it. There are a lot of things that are banned from conversation in the house," I smiled slightly then I began to blame myself yet again. "What happened to Sidney though, I've been taking full responsibility for ever since it happened. Everyone tells me it wasn't my fault, but I'm still convinced it was my fault. I hated myself for weeks after that, everything that happened, I'm sorry that happened to your son," I wanted to cry but I couldn't allow myself to do that in front of Troy. "We're just happy it wasn't anything too serious," he smiled. See he agrees, it was my fault.

Back in Pittsburgh the city looked like it was up all night celebrating the win. Penguins things hanging everywhere, there was a lot of excitement for game six at home. I slept for most of the day when we got back, I needed to recharge for the next game. Sitting through these games were emotionally draining for me, if we lost I would cry, if we won I would cry. Never have I been so attached to a game before, even with Riley. I rolled over in my empty bed to take a look at the clock, 3:30 in the afternoon. I stretched to hear my back crack and made my way out to the living room to see Sidney, Colby, Max and Riley playing a video game. "Good afternoon sunshine," Colby smiled not taking his eyes off the TV. I began to laugh when I saw Sidney's tongue hanging out of his mouth. They weren't paying attention to me. I looked at each of them very closely. Max, we have a special relationship, one that people on the outside wouldn't understand, he's becoming my French-Canadian version of Colby in a perverted sort of way. Riley, as much as I hated him in the past, I am thankful for him, I've learned so much from him. Colby, my dear, dear Colby. The sunshine in my life, always knowing the right thing to say and was always there for me when I needed him. My true best-friend. Sidney, oh Sidney Crosby. I don't even know where to begin. Thinking about Sidney, I began to hum a song to myself and made my way to the kitchen to make some coffee. "I never had no one that I could count on, I've been let down so many times. I was tired of hurting, so tired of searching, til you walked into my life. It was a feeling I'd never known, and for the first time I didn't feel alone. You're more than a lover, there could never be another to make me feel the way you do. Oh, we just get closer, I fall in love all over every time I look at you. I don't know where I'd be without you here with me. Life with you makes perfect sense, you're my best friend," I sang quietly to myself as I felt a tear fall down my face. Country makes me cry, I know. I wiped away my tear and turned around to return to the living room only to see all the guys with their heads turned looking at me. "What? I sing, I know I suck," they continued to stare. "Oh shut up," I snapped. "Um Avery, no one said anything we were just enjoying the nails on the chalk board," Colby smiled before they returned to their game. Those boys were my family, I don't know what I would do without them.

The morning before game six Sidney took me into town to pick up my new baby. She sure was beautiful, and I did murder her out. A flat black paint with black windows and black rims. It looked like a tank. Now I drive a tank! No one can hit me! The inside was black with TV screens everywhere. "Flower is going to be very jealous," Sidney laughed as he checked it out. "Okay, I am going to head home for my nap, what are you up to?" he asked leaning in the window. "I'm going to head to the brewery to tie up some lose ends, then Colby, Mel and Riley are going to meet me there for a pre-game beer. So I will see you after the game," I smiled leaning out the window to give him a big kiss. "Love you," he smiled before walking away. I pulled out of the lot and felt like such a badass. This SUV did not fit my personality whatsoever but I loved it, the music sounded amazing and the all black scheme was very sleek. I pulled up to the brewery and a huge smile came over my face, the Red Hook sign was finally hung up front and it looked amazing.

"This is amazing Avery, can I live under the bar this summer?" Colby asked as he looked around. "I don't now if Mel would like that," I laughed as I walked behind the bar to pour up some beers. "I love how you can see the fermentors behind you, and the cooper everywhere, the mahogany, the upstairs looks amazing, the hockey sticks. Avery this place rocks," he continued. I poured up some beers and took a look around myself when something framed hanging by the front door caught my eye. I walked over and took it off the wall, it was the Gazette article. I sat down at the bar next to Riley and began to read it. Most of the article was about the brewery, throwing in little pieces here and there about my past and my education, and the pictures turned out awesome. The grand opening is going to be the party of the year, and the guest list is the hardest to get on all over town. Rumor has it the whole Pittsburgh Penguins team will be in attendance, even though there is no association between the team and the brewery, it's the head captain and the brewmaster herself. Winters admitted to the well known relationship between her and Sidney Crosby after months of speculation and denials. Probably the two hardest working people in Pittsburgh at the moment and they make their relationship look so effortless. I could only smile, everyone was right about the article, it really showed me as a smart business woman and it really showed how in love Sidney and I are.

I hoped over the bar to pour another round of beers. "Are you nervous yet Av?" Riley asked raising an eyebrow. Oh crap, it's do or die tonight. "I think I should take a chill pill before the game, I don't think I can sit through sixty minutes without flipping a shit tonight. I think I have Trazadone still from when I was in the hospital," I was blabbering and I could tell our one beer event turned into about five or six beers. "What were you in the hospital for?" Riley asked very concerned. "I had a miscarriage." OH SHIT. My eyes grew wide along with everyone elses. "You . . . you were . . . pregnant?" Riley asked with a little bit of hurt in his eyes. I dropped my head and stopped pouring my beer. "I didn't know I was pregnant," I said just above a whisper. "I thought you were safer than that Avery? You barely know this guy," Riley shouted standing up from the bar. "No! No! I thought we could do this Riley, I thought we could be friends, but no. You're still an asshole, and you know what Riley, I know him a lot better than I ever knew you, that's for damn sure," I shouted right back at him. "You screwed up a good thing Avery, you screwed up a really good thing." "I screwed up? Are you honestly telling me I was the one that screwed up? I wasn't the one that went out and fucked somebody only hours after you told me you loved me. You know what, I did, I made a mistake. I should have forgiven you right there, when you were balls deep in some slut. I did Riley, I screwed it up, thank you for pointing that out. Thank you for finally making it clear to me. Get the fuck out of my bar." Riley stormed out the front door and I stood behind the bar crying. "Colby, I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry." He whispered something to Mel and she walked outside with her car keys, hoping to take Riley home. "Avery, look at me," Colby said pulling my chin up with his fingers. "I knew you two getting along was too good to be true, so I was waiting for this. Don't even think about him, you're right he is an asshole and I don't even know how we're brothers. There is no reason for you to be sorry, Mel is taking him to the arena and we'll take care of him, don't worry you don't have to see him the rest of the month. It might be pretty sad of me but I care more about you than I do about him. So let's just push him aside alright," he smiled holding onto my hands. I continued to cry and dumped my beer out, I knew I had too much and tonight meant too much to Sidney for me to show up fucked up.

"So that's why you were in the hospital? Are you okay? Like mentally okay?" he asked trying to stare into my eyes, but my eyes were wandering everywhere. "No, I'm not. I was really, really depressed for two weeks after it happened, and then I got so caught up in work and hockey it went to the back of mind, but now that it's out there, now that you know. I'm not okay. What if I can't have kids Colby?" I began to cry even harder as he walked around the bar and pulled me into a hug. "Sidney wants kids, he wants lots of kids. What if I can't give that to him? What if he leaves me because I can't give him his own children?" "First off Avery, I'm sure there is nothing wrong with you, having a miscarriage happens all the time to women everywhere. You're not alone on this. Second off, Sidney isn't going to leave you over that. He's probably never going to leave you, you need to stop worrying so much, everything is going to be okay. Right now, I am going to take you into the bathroom and we're going to clean you up, it's 6 o'clock we need to get to the arena." I pulled away and nodded my head. I mouthed 'thank you' to him and managed to make myself somewhat decent for the game.

The whole night was going downhill, I sat next to Colby in the suite and watched Detroit dominate the whole game. Our two goals and a last minute push to tie the game wasn't good enough, and Detroit won the cup. I went to the back of the suite to avoid any cameras, if there were any pointing our way. I stood in the corner and slid down to sit on the floor. "Avery, are you okay?" Trina asked squatting down in front of me. I looked at her with tears filling my eyes. "I've had a terrible day, and then to watch the boys lose after all of their hard work, it's just been a very emotional day," I smiled as she pulled me into a hug. "We need to be strong for Sidney now," she smiled. OMG, Sidney. I didn't even want to think what he was going through, this cup is what he lived for. It was within reach and now it's in Henrik Zetterberg's hands. I pulled myself together and walked down to the locker room. I couldn't wait outside for him, so I went straight out to the car, sending him a text message informing him on my whereabouts. I was dozing in and out of sleep sitting in my car, I was emotional exhausted and was thinking about just heading home, but I knew I had to wait, I had to see him.

An hour after the game ended Sidney walked out to the parking lot and came straight to my car. I climbed out and pulled myself into his body. "Your half asleep, come on we'll leave your car here overnight, let's go home," he smiled grabbing my purse and locking my car. "Sidney," I didn't know what to say, but I knew I needed to say something, anything. He was silent, no expression or emotion on his face. "I . . . I am so sorry." He looked over at me and grabbed onto my hand. "Avery you need to promise me that you will stop saying that. Yes I'm upset, I'm very upset. Angry too, I'm mad at myself. We were capable of beating them and we just couldn't get it done. I couldn't get it done." "Sid, you're not the whole team, you played your heart out, it's just not your time yet. The hockey god wants you to wait just a smidgen longer," I smiled and was happy to see a smile come over his face too. "Can we just disappear tomorrow? Stay in bed all day with our phones off, no TV, just us?" "Of course we can do that. Sid, I accidentally told Colby, Mel and Riley about the miscarriage. I know you probably don't want to be hearing this tonight, but I have to tell you. It just slipped out." He looked a little stunned, we had promised not to tell anyone in fear that something would leak to the press. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "Damnit Avery, stop saying that, there is nothing you need to be sorry for. Colby and I talked after the game, and he told me about the night you had," he pulled over to the side of the road and put his car in park, he turned in his seat to look me straight on. "Avery Winters, I am never going to leave you. I'm the one that's terrified you will leave me, but just know I have no intentions to ever leave you. As far as your female parts go, Colby was right. Miscarriages are normal, and most women have them before they even know they're pregnant. It's going to be okay Avery. Okay?" I nodded my head and he leaned over and gave me a big kiss. At home, the minute my head hit the pillow I was out cold. I hope I don't wake up until July.