Friday, November 7, 2008

019

The music was pumping through the empty warehouse and I was breaking a sweat sweeping the floor trying to bust some moves out. "Now it's like 'Murder She Wrote', once I get you out them clothes, privacy is on the door, still they can hear you screamin' more!" Oh yeah, I'm a diva! James and I were busting ass inside of the warehouse and at the end of each day, I would stand at the front door and just smile. "Equipment is going to be delivered tomorrow, I have some guys coming down to help install everything over the next few days. So it will be nice to get the rest of this stuff out by tonight," James explained as he tore down even more wood and some free standing walls. "Okay, I can stay til about nine, I want to spend some time with Sid tonight, he leaves tomorrow for a few days to head out to California with the team." After I hauled some wood outside I pulled my phone out and called Sidney. "Hey babe, I'm going to be late again tonight, but I plan on leaving no later than nine tonight, is that okay?" "You sure are having a lot of late nights with him," he sounded very irritated. "Sidney, equipment shows up tomorrow, we have to have somewhere to put it, and right now we still have a few more hours ahead of us to have this placed cleaned out. Once the equipment is in, we can start building around it. Why are you being such an ass right now?" "I just feel like I haven't seen you at all since he showed up, and then when you get home all I hear is James, James, James. Fuck Avery, we haven't had sex since he got here two weeks ago, what the hell is going on?" "You know what, I can't talk to you right now, this is really fucked up Sidney." I hung up the phone and squatted down next to the dumpster in the snow. It felt like the tears forming in my eyes were turning to ice, and it was painful.

I looked around the warehouse and it looked amazing even though it was completely empty. "Hey James, do you need me tomorrow? I think I need to take a day off for myself," I asked as I began to gather my things to leave. "No, take a few days off, I will call you when everything is installed and we can begin building everything," he smiled as he flipped the lights off. "Thanks James, I am in dire need of some sleep, and maybe a spa day." I waved bye to James and climbed into my Jeep. Will he be home when I get there? I was shaking as I pulled into my neighborhood. I was holding my breath as I pulled onto my street. I sighed as I saw Sidney's car was still in the driveway. I took a few moments to compose myself and just as I was about to get out of my car I was hit in the gut with terrible cramps. I folded over, these were the worst cramps I think I had ever experience before. A few minutes passed as I was comfortable enough to climb out of my car and make my way to the door. I swung the door open and immediately climbed onto the couch. I feel like I'm going to die. I could hear Sidney coming out of the bedroom. "Oh nice of you to . . . what's wrong?" the tone in his voice quickly went from angry to worry. He knelt down next to me and tried grabbing my hands, but I was pushing them hard into my stomach. "Really bad cramps," I moaned pulling my knees closer to my chest. "Have you ever had them this bad before? Is it time for your period?" "I never get cramps, never," I paused for a moment to think about if I was due for my period. Oh my god. "My period should be coming any minute now, my last one was two weeks before I met you." "Babe, that was eight weeks ago," he went to say something else but I clinched my eyes shut and pushed harder into my stomach. "I think we need to take you to the hospital," Sidney said as he got up and headed for the bedroom. A few minutes later he came out with a duffel bag and walked it out to his car, he came back in and picked me up in his arms taking me to the car.

The waiting room of the hospital was a familiar place to me, but this time I was looking at it in new eyes, I was the patient this time. I was taken back to a room and patiently waited for a doctor to come examine me. "Baby, I am so sorry that I got mad at you, I just miss you." I couldn't say anything back to him, the pain was unbearable. "I love you," he whispered as I saw tears fall from his face. Finally a doctor came in and flipped through my brand new chart he mumbled a few things and Sidney mumbled a few things back. They turned me over onto my back and placed my feet on stirrups. I couldn't handle being on my back, I leaned forward, pushing my fingers further into my stomach. "Miss, I need you to lie down," the doctor demanded and both Sidney and a nurse held me down on the bed. I was finally able to relax a bit and the tears were flowing down the corner of my eyes. "Miss Winters, you're having a miscarriage, we're going to give you some drugs to mask over the pain, looks like everything is passing smoothly. One of the nurses will come clean you up and then I will check on you once the drugs have kicked in a bit," the doctor explained as he stood up in front of me. I bent forward once again and the tears wouldn't stop flowing and the pain was increasing. Luckily the doctor moved quick with the pain medications and within a few minutes I was very relaxed and very drugged up lying on the bed. Sidney held my hand in his, kissing my fingers and he was crying more than me at this point. "What just happened Sidney?" I asked still very confused about everything that had just happened. "You had a miscarriage Avery, you were pregnant." the disappointment in his eyes brought me to tears. "It's okay baby, you're okay," he continued to comfort me. "Sid, look at me. I am so sorry," I smiled, the drugs were really getting to me. "Avery, why are you sorry? Why do you say that all the time?" "I can see in your eyes that you want a baby, and you just lost your first one without even knowing it was on it's way." I wasn't making any sense to myself, I could only hope Sidney would understand me. He kissed me on my forehead and I quickly fell asleep.

My eyes were very heavy, but I had to open them. I felt like I was struggling to open at least one eye. Finally I peeled one open and my head felt like it weighed forty pounds. "Avery, how are you feeling?" Sidney quickly asked rushing to my side. "Am I drugged up?" I asked with a little chuckle. "Yes, very heavily. Do you remember anything from last night?" I could feel my eyes start to tear up, then I remember everything, the pain, the fight, the miscarriage. "I had a miscarriage," I said to him. "That's all you remember? They performed a minor surgery last night to clean the fetus out or your uterus. So they are keeping you for the rest of today, then we can go home tonight," he explained to me. "Tonight? What time is it? You need to get to the airport," I said in a panic. "I called coach, Ray and Mario last night, I am taking a flight out there tomorrow, we don't play tonight anyways. It's more important for me to be here with you right now." Oh your dad is going to be pissed! I smiled and he leaned over and kissed me. "We need to start using protection from now on, okay?" "Of course, it was stupid of us to have sex without it anyways." "It wasn't stupid, it was a learning process, and Sidney, I can't wait to have kids with you." WHAT?

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