003

Oh if only I had a knife right now. The beeping of my alarm clock was about to set me through the roof. Did I want to go into work that morning? I couldn't make up my mind, I was tossing in turning in bed, "beep, beep, beep." Oh shut the hell up. I finally reached for my phone and saw that I had one new text message. I flipped my phone open and smiled when I saw it was from Colby. 'Is that all it takes to sleep with you? Break your nose? When can I sign up?' Oh whatever asshole. I quickly messaged back, 'I don't sleep with hockey players, did you forget?' I meant it as a joke but I knew Colby was going to take it personally so I quickly shot off another text, 'that was a joke by the way, but seriously, he went home, never came inside.' Stop thinking about Riley. I figured the best thing for me was to go into work, the least they could do was send me home because I'm not presentable with such a nasty nose. I turned my radio on super loud in the living room and took another hot shower. It was always nice to feel the hot, burning water on my skin when I thought of Riley, it just reminded me that I can still feel. Black slacks, black button up, and black shoes the perfect uniform, could never go wrong with it.

I walked into the cafe and everyone turned and looked at me. Oh great here we go. "Avery, darling. You look terrible, are you sure you want to work today? Maybe you should go home," Nandi my boss said as she wrapped her long creepy fingers around my wrist. "I feel fine, I'm just scared I might scare some people away," I laughed and as I did so the pain shot into my eyes. Now get your nasty fingers off of me. "Maybe it's best if you went home though, you can make up your hours when you're better," she smiled finally taking her fingers off of me. I smiled, nodded and headed back out to my car. What was I going to do with myself, a whole day to do whatever and I didn't feel like going home. I want to text him so bad. Hey how are you doing? How's hockey? How's life? Miss me? I climbed into my rental and just drove. I didn't know where I was going, but I wanted to waste time. At a red light I thumbed through my iPod, I stopped myself for a moment to check the rear view mirror, no one in sight. Finally some Joe Cocker. "Baby take off your coat... real slow," I was trying to be as sexy as I could singing along with old Joe. 'Beep'.

'Come over we need to talk.' from Colby displayed on my screen. I sighed, I knew there was only one thing he wanted to talk about and that was his brother. I drove around for a bit before finally finding myself in front of his apartment. I sat behind the steering wheel for what seemed liked forever when my phone beeped again. 'Coming up? I can see you.' I laughed and finally got out of my car and made it across the street into his building. He pulled me into a hug as I walked into his apartment still a mess from the night before. I began to pick up a little bit around the kitchen before he grabbed my hand and dragged me into the living room. "I haven't seen you, heard from you or anything for four years, I need to know what's going on in that mind up there," he smiled. I knew this conversation was going and I wasn't sure I wanted to open up about it to Colby.

"What happened?" "What do you mean what happened?" I tried to act confused but I knew where this was going. "Riley, what did he do? One minute you guys are the best of friends, the next minute your gone. I don't know how many times I've asked him about what happened and he just shrugs it off. I called him this morning Avery, the sound in his voice when he heard I ran in to you. Well Sidney ran into you, but you know what I mean. He said he called hundreds of times, and nothing. He was worried sick." I couldn't help but roll my eyes a little. He called three times. Three times he called. Asshole. I was about to say something, but I couldn't, I could only shake my head. "Avery, he's my brother and I love him, but he brought you into my life. Four years flew by and I feel like we've been kicking back beers non-stop for six years now. Please tell me what happened, so I can understand what's going on." I took a deep breathe and thought back to that day.

We spent every waking moment together. While he had practice, I had class and we always knew where to meet each other. I went to every home game and half of the away games. I was there all the time for him, and he was there for me. There were strict rules in junior hockey, but whenever he could he would spend the night at my apartment, either playing video games or watching movies, he was always there when he could be. I didn't need a boyfriend, I was so caught up in school work I didn't have the time, but to have Riley was perfect. I still remember that morning, I finished my last final and he was just getting home from a long eastern swing road trip. Just like clockwork, we both got to my apartment at the same time. He was sporting a nice shiner under his left eye, I'm sure the other guy looked even worse. We hugged and went inside, he went straight for the fridge and I went straight for the remote. He brought me a soda and sat on the coffee table in front of me, facing me. "Riley, come on, I want to watch the news." "I need to talk to you." He grabbed the remote and turned the TV off over his shoulder. He looked at me with those eyes, those understanding eyes. I felt like he was looking straight through me. "I'm not going to sugar-coat this so I'm just going to say it. I'm falling in love with you. Well I am in love with you. I want you to be with me, well I need you to be with me. Please tell me you feel the same way." My mouth flew open and no words came out. I was speechless, I had no idea Riley even thought about me as being more than just a friend. I stood up and he watched we walk around the room. "Avery?" I opened my mouth and still nothing. "I need to think about this Riley, I need to go think." With that I grabbed my purse and walked out, leaving him sitting there on the coffee table looking helpless. I sat at the Starbucks a few blocks from my apartment for four hours. Americano after Americano, my mind was racing. I finally stood up and stormed out. Damnit Riley, I'm in love with you too. All these things were rushing through my head that I wanted to tell him. I got to my apartment and his truck was still there. I went to open the door, but it was locked. I unlocked it and pushed my way through. "Riley!!" I yelled looking for him. Nothing, but from my bedroom I could hear something. I dropped my purse and walked in. There on my bed Riley was pile-driving some skanky blonde. "Get the fuck out!" I screamed grabbing one of her high heels and chucking it at Riley's head. "Avery!! Avery!!" he yelled running after me.

"I finished my finals and the next day I was on a plane to South Africa." I couldn't stop the tears falling from my face. I knew I was in love with Riley long before that day, but I never wanted to risk our friendship. He called me three times after that day, I didn't need any explanation or apology. That was it, I wasn't going to put up with that shit. Colby pulled me into a hug and rocked me back and forth. "He was young and stupid, and it's in the past now, so we don't ever have to talk about it again okay. I just needed to know what he did to you. I'm so sorry." I continued to cry on Colby's shoulder when I heard my phone beeping. Damnit.